Gloomy Bear

So once upon a few weekends ago, my friends convinced me to go to a beer garden in Oita City with them. Now, let me preface this by saying that there are several reasons why I don't generally go out. Let's make a list, we all know I like lists.

1. I do RIDICULOUS things

2. I giggle uncontrollably

3. I like to be in bed by 11. Going drinking usually doesn't result in getting a good night's sleep.

4. I equate drinking money with book money. My inner monologue says, "Well, you could spend $60 on beer and bars tonight OR you could order Isaac Asimov's Foundation series of Amazon.jp AND get free shipping. The books usually win over the beer.

However, the beer garden in Oita City is open from 6-9, it's all you can eat and all you can drink, and it's only about $30. Even I can't say "no" to that. 

"Dino Arms," a frequently issued drinking game penalty. 

Caitlyn, Betsy, and myself. 

Our table and the beer garden. 

the empties...

Now, since I don't eat meat or dairy I was a bit limited in my food options. By limited I mean that all I ate was pineapple, edamame beans, and some french fries. Now with 3 hours of all you can drink, we packed a deck of cards and organized a few games, which ended in me getting tanked. Observe: 

yeppers.... giggles McGee at it again. 

Once the beer garden closed, we decided to head to the arcade to do "Purikura." Now, "Purikura" is crazy popular in Japan. They're basically green screen photo booths. Here are a few examples (taken in Fukuoka back in January, it was totally worth the $5 bucks)

Very Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Someday I'll have my very own potbellied pink pigmy elephant...

Three magical princesses ride a majestic carousel unicorn into a galaxy of octopi and stars... it happens in Japan. 

So back to the story, the afore shown examples of "Purikura" inspired us to head to the arcade. 

I don't know why I was so sad

Darin and Ryan being Darin and Ryan. 

the faces say it all

In the end we canned the "Purikura" plan and discovered the claw machines. Now, everyone headed for the "Hello Kitty" and "Rilakuma" machines. Everyone but me. Why? Because I HATE "Hello Kitty" and "Rilakuma." 

Reasons I hate "Hello Kitty"

1. Hello Kitty has no mouth

2. Hello Kitty's facial expression never changes

3. Hello Kitty has a pet cat- creepy

4. Hello Kitty reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't know why, maybe because Hello Kitty's vacant expression leads me to believe that she's homicidal. My mind works in mysterious ways. 

Reasons I hate Rilakuma:

1. Rilakuma pretty much means "lazy bear." This bear has way too much attitude for a "lazy bear." Anyone who is legitimately lazy is too lazy by definition to be so "in your face" about their laziness.

2. While Rilakuma has a mouth, once again his facial expression is vacant, expressionless, and never changing. 

Then I found him, a Japanese animation character I can really get behind. Gloomy Bear:

Meet Gloomy Bear:

As I post this picture, I can hear my Grandma's voice in my head saying, "Erin! That's gross!" But, hear me out. Gloomy Bear's tag says, and I quote: "GLOOMY The Naughty Grizzly. "Gloomy" is Pity's pet bear. His height is about 7 ft. He is well trained...except he as a hard time remembering not to attack humans."

Now, unlike "Hello Kitty" or Rilakuma, Gloomy Bear doesn't hide who he is. While his expression is vacant, his face, mouth, and claws are covered in blood. There's no questioning Gloomy Bear's motives, he'll mess you up. So, for reasons unknown Drunk Erin fell in love with Gloomy Bear, at which time she bullied the arcade employees into moving the bears around in the claw machines TWICE, thus, she won not one, but TWO murderous bears. 

One word: Victory 

True, elated, drunken joy. 

So I woke up on Sunday morning snuggling my new bears... unexpected yet hilarious. 

Cheers to beer gardens and bears. 

Life in Shelob's Lair

Much to my dismay I was called into work this past Saturday for PTA day. Basically, the parents of the students come to the school and observe lessons. This is a big deal for the actual faculty. They spend heaps of time pre-paring, writing memos, and stressing out. For me, all it meant was that I had to go to one class, dress somewhat nice (ie not in jeans) and spend the rest of the day quietly at my desk. So on Saturday morning at 6:30 am I found myself showered, hair dried, lunch packed, and headed to my closet to look for my seersucker pants.  I'd decided to wear my seersucker pants to work because they're cute, and they're comfortable as hell. If a pair of Carharts and my favorite sweatpants had a baby, that baby would come in the form of my favorite seersucker pants. I call them my "Train Conductor Pants," although I can't really give you a reason why. 

So on Saturday morning unsuspecting Erin in her poka-dot underpants opened her closet and about had a heart attach when she saw the critter hanging out on a pair of Joe's Jeans. 

Meet Shelob

I assume all giant spiders are female and feast on flesh because I was the type of kid to read Lord of the Rings, instead of Charlotte's Web. 

Now, upon seeing The Fellowship of the Ring in theatres my Mom came home and told me that my small stature, pale skin, appetite, lovably dis-shoveled curly hair, and callused feet (seriously, I could probably walk on coals) had her convinced I was a Hobbit. Awesome. 

So, just as  Frodo found himself face to face with Shelob deep within the Ephel Duath Mountains that border Mordor, I found myself face to face with a beast of its likeness in my closet. Only unlike Frodo who was armed with Sting (the enchanted sword that glows blue when Orcs are near), all I had was tupperware. 

Frodo's Sword vs Erin's Tupperware 

So, upon encasing Shelob in an impenetrable fortress of cheap plastic, Erin the Brave and most Literary of all Hobbits (that's me!) ran outside, opened the lid, chucked the beast to the other end of the yard, and upon hearing a loud "thud" ran back into the house and slammed the door.

So ends my tale. After teaching one class on "Subject-Verb-Object-Object" and "Subject-Verb-Object-Complementary" sentence structures I spent the rest of my day reading the His Dark Materials trilogy. At 4:00 I hopped in my car and drove into Oita City to have dinner with my friends, after which we used the timer on my camera to take a picture together in front of a Combini- because it's come to my attention that we don't have many group pictures together. 

That night I decided that this Christmas I am going to ask for a sword, for the slaying of man devouring spiders, because I'm not much like other girls. 

The End

Meet Charlton

So today was a Monday like any other. I rolled off my futon at 7 am, did a face plant into my tatami, grunted, and magically found myself at work by 7:55. I taught four classes, visited the official "Star Trek" website, bought some jam that my students made (from fruit they grew themselves!), went jogging, and talked to my brother on Skype. Around 7:00 crazy futuristic Japanese time, it occurred to me that I should probably take a shower. So I opened my I-tunes and started singing a long to "Lisztomania" by Phoenix, which is my new favorite song. Check it out! It will put the happy, dancing, toe-tapping mood I was in into context. 

 

Okay, back to the story. As I opened my shower door I noticed a squeaky noise. My first instinct was to look behind me, because in slasher movies girls headed to the shower are too aloof to look behind them. Not to say that I expected to see a squeaky Japanese version of JASON with a chainsaw, but you never know. After checking for deranged serial killers I decided to look up, thinking that a bird was hanging out around the fan outside. Nope, no bird. Then I looked down, and I saw what I can only describe as a mouse-mole-duck billed platypus. Meet Charlton:

Why did I name him Charlton? Well, Charlton is my new old man name. Before I met Winston I assumed that all old British men and bulldogs were named Winston. Now that I'm dating a 27 year old Winston who's guitar skills, motor cycle skills, and good looks have crushed my pre-conceived notions of a proper name for an old guy, I had to come up with a new old man name, and after some consideration I decided on Charlton. Since this little bugger was running into everything, half blind from my camera's flash, and stuck in my bathroom without a clue as to how he arrived, I decided that he was worthy of the name Charlton. That, and it's easier to talk about him behind his back when he has a name.

Now, don't get me wrong I enjoy surprises when they come in the form of concert tickets or pancakes. That being said, it's hard to enjoy any surprise when you're "dressed" for a shower and the surprise happens to be a rodent as opposed to the fore mentioned concert tickets or pancakes. I don't see myself as a squeamish person, but for some reason I was terrified of this little guy. Why do you ask? Well I asked that myself. Now that I've had a shower, a box of Cracker Jack, and I'm wrapped in the safety of a pair of sweats, I have the blessing of retrospect to help me reflect on this little mis-adventure. So I'll make a list, because they're easy to read and I enjoy their organizational qualities. 

Top 3 Reasons I was terrified of Charlton (because anymore than 3 reasons dives too far into my inner geek):

1. The "Tribble" Theory

In the original "Star Trek" series the beloved 1960s cast of the Enterprise finds an entrepreneur in their midst with these adorable little things called "Tribbles." The catch was, they multiplied like bacteria in a warm petri dish. 

Now, I operate under the assumption that all rodents multiply like Tribbles. So, my first thought upon seeing Charlton was, "Cripes, how many Charltons are crawling around my paper house? Will I wake up and see one crawling across the floor? Will I find one in my cereal?!"

2. R.O.U.S's

Anyone who has ever seen The Princess Bride is familiar with the following conversation with Buttercup and Westley while they're perilously venturing through the dreaded Fire Swamp:

Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.

Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.

Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?

Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

Seconds there after Westley is attacked be an R.O.U.S. Now, I realize that Charlton is anything but a R.O.U.S, but still, everything has to start out small when it's a baby, who's to say he won't grow into an R.O.U.S? I've seen spiders bigger than my hand in this house!

3.  Gelflings 

Gelflings are these little Muppet things from the 1982 movie The Dark Crystal. 

Now, the female Gelflings can fly, and upon first seeing Charlton and letting out a loud "eeeek," I couldn't help but notice his resemblence to a Gelfling. I think it's his long nose. Then I started to worry that all his loud squeaks would call his winged mother, who in all likelihood has talons. 

So, for everyone's enjoyment, I took a little video footage of the little fellow who shook up my Monday evening. 


So, for fear of Tribble like reproduction abilities, R.O.U.S size, and Gelfling mothers with talons, I managed to get Charlton into a tupperware container and get him outside. 

Now, I've found my fair share of critters in this paper house. My first evening here I found a green lizard in my kitchen. Bats live in my rafters, and I've killed countless man-sized spiders. I don't want to think about how they get in, as it is I have dreams that my tatami mats have unheard of creatures living beneath their depths, prepared to nab me in my sleep. 

this is the "why does everyday feel like camping?" face

this is the "I'm completely baffled" face

So here's me, signing off, wide-eyed and astounded at how ridiculous my life can be AND thankful that I'm updated on my Tetanus shots. Someday I'll triumphantly return to civilization and bequeath this paper house to someone new. Until then, you can bet I'll be making a lot of faces like the ones featured above, courtesy of my MacBook's camera. 

Don't let the bed bugs bite....seriously

Easter Weekend

So for Easter weekend my dear friend Nicole (who I studied abroad with in Vienna) and her fiancee Greg decided to take some time away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo and join me for a few days in Kyushu. Because let's face it, Kyushu has ZERO hustle and bustle. 

I was thrilled at the idea of company, so I met them at the airport and drove them straight to Beppu for a weekend of good old fashioned fun. Literally, old fashioned... 

Stop #1 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's epic Oita-ken adventure: HIT PARADE! 

Albeit tucked away in the back streets of Beppu and surrounded by what may or may not be Brothels and/or Snack Bars- Beppu City's "Hit Parade" is a must see for anyone in Oita. Heck, I've seen it twice... and I'll be back. 

So with a complimentary bottle of Whiskey on the table, all you could drink beers, and an "all you can eat" buffet at our disposal the three of us hunkered down for an evening of debauchery in good old 1955- Where platform saddle shoes are socially acceptable and hair grease is not only abundant, but cool. 

Greg opted to set his camera on what Nicole calls "forgiving black and white," because we are all rather pale. 

This would be me eating Edamame beans. Edamame beans are one of my favorite things about Japan. 

Nicole starts in on her beer, and I make use of the bottle of Whiskey and the bucket of ice. 

Nicole, myself, and Judy Garland...we're all legendary 

Needless to say, after a few drinks and a few trips to the buffet table we were ready to shake our fifties feet!

look at those two! 

This man is the Asian Teddy Bear hybrid equivalent of Eddie Van Halen. He will play the most EPIC guitar solos, but his facial expression never changes. 

MORE COWBELL!

I'm in love with this guy! He plays the sax...

I attempted to dance with one of the waiters, but upon seeing his dance moves up close I decided to keep my distance. Judging by the move he's striking here, I made a good choice.

Rock Stars....

At some point during the evening it occurred to me that my camera has a video function... Now via the magical Internet you can have a little piece of "Hit Parade" in your own home:

 

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that we didn't get back to our grungy hostel til after 1 a.m., which is really late for the three of us. We were up, hang-over free, and out the door by 11 a.m. on Saturday.

Stop #2 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's Oita-ken Adventure: Beppu Sand Bath!

Right on the beach with a stunning view of the Pacific, the three of us took a few pictures before paying 1000 Yen (about 10 dollars) to be buried in geo-thermal sand. 

So basically you lay down in these little pre-dug pits wearing nothing but Yukatas (little robes) while tiny Japanese woman bury you in warm sand. It's sort of like when you fall asleep at the beach and wake-up to see that you're friends have buried you in sand and that you look like a poorly sculptured mermaid. Only this is much more pleasant and only lasts for 15 minutes. After that we showered, got the majority of the sand out of our hair, and headed to our next destination. 

Stop #3 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's Epic Oita-ken Adventure: Takasakiyama Mountain

Takasakiyama Mountain is better known as "Monkey Mountain," because about a thousand wild snow monkeys roam around. Upon your assent to the mountain, there are several signs to enlighten you on proper snow monkey protocol:

I want everyone to take a minute to truly appreciate the grammar in the sign. Someone called their English speaking buddy and had it proofread before sending it to print. This is rare. 

What I can only guess reads:

1. Please do not touch baby monkeys while their mothers are giving them piggy-back rides-they will attack you. 

2. Please do not look monkeys in the eye, they will attack you. 

3. Please do not chase monkeys, they will get upset and attack you.

4. As Nicole put it, "Please do not give handkerchiefs to monkeys. They will attack you." 

5. Please do not feed us. While it will make us happy we will take your food and then attack you.

While the babies were adorable, Monkey Mountain is actually a little scary. The monkeys have this shrill cry that they all do at the same time. I think it's a war cry personally. I was afraid to look any of them in the eye, for fear of being mauled. They're tiny but they have sharp teeth and thumbs. You can do a lot of damage with a thumb, even a little one. 

Nicole and I were terrified of the shrill screams coming from all the monkeys. We were also terrified of making eye-contact with a monkey, and ending up without a face.

Luckily the three of us managed to make it out of Monkey Mountain unscathed, so to celebrate we got some crepes and took some pictures by the water before heading back to Kunisaki. 

Stop #4 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's Epic Oita-ken Adventure: Kunisaki Beach Bonfire

My friend Greg decided to throw a bonfire party in celebration of the beautiful Spring weather. So we loaded up on chocolate, "Smore" fixings, and beer and headed to the beach!

Before we knew it, it was Easter Sunday! After sleeping in and enjoying a leisurely breakfast we headed back to Beppu. 

Stop #5 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's Epic Oita-Ken Adventure: Umi-Jigoku 

While it smells a bit like stinky egg farts, the "Sea Hell" is still really beautiful. 

Stop #6 on Erin+Nicole+Greg's Epic Oita-ken Adventure: The Beppu City Sex Museum

Alright, this might not be the most appropriate thing to admit you've visited, but it's still hilarious. Beppu is known as the "Las Vegas" of Kyushu because of the legalized sex trade. As such, they've erected (no pun intended) a Sex Museum, complete with lots of rather phallic statues, shocking wax sculptures (including an interpretation of Snow White and the seven dwarves that's burned into my brain), and a theatre which plays Japanese porn 24/7, needless to say Greg, Nicole, and I got our money's worth in laughter.

I assure you, these were the most PG-13 pictures we walked out with. 

Sadly for all of us Monday rolled around before we were ready and Greg and Nicole headed back up to Tokyo. However, the trip was really great for all three of us. Greg and Nicole got a much needed break from the city, and I got to see some of my closest friends. 

Maybe it's because I made an awesome air-mattress guest bed and lay out fresh towels, or maybe it's because seeing old friends leaves you happy in the most inexplicable way. Regardless of what it was, I know Greg and Nicole had a great time. 

ah, shucks...

Seeing these two has completely brought me out of my anti-social Winter hibernation mode. More than anything it reminded me that I'm leaving Oita in 3 months and headed to Tokyo, where a wonderful boyfriend and a built in group of hilarious friends are readily awaiting my arrival. That's a really special feeling, the kind that leaves you all warm and fuzzy. 

Happy Easter!