Greg the Christmas Bush

So, this past Saturday my friend Kelly (the cute blonde featured above) took it upon herself to cook us homesick foreigners a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Now, while the turkey decided not to thaw in time for dinner, we still had a feast of lasagna, potatoes, stuffing, deviled eggs, salad, and of course my personal favorite PUMPKIN PIE! After a delicious home cooked feast I looked over at Greg, patted my stomach, and tried out my new favorite Japanese word, "O-I-SHI!" which means delicious. He smiled, swallowed his last bite of pie and said, "hey girl, how was your day?"

(this is best friend Greg and I at a bar in Osaka. We get along because we have curly hair. Plus, Greg is Jewish, and everyone in the country thinks I am Jewish.)

Now, quite frankly, my day had been fabulous. While helping Kelly do a little Thanksgiving shopping, I stumbled upon a 500 Yen Christmas tree and 100 Yen Christmas ornaments! I found some 900 Yen Christmas lights, and I was in business! Thrilled to put a tree together for less than 20 bucks, I described my purchases to Greg in animated detail. He was happy for me and asked, "Wow, that sounds great, what are you going to name it?" Greg has now known me long enough to know that I name almost every inanimate object I come in contact with. I replied, "Well, since my tree is only about 90 centimeters tall, I think I'm just going to call it my Christmas Bush."

Greg about spit tea all over my sweater. Now to spare all my family members reading this blog, let's just say I meant Christmas Bush in an innocent sense. like something  you'd find in nature. Greg interpreted  Christmas Bush in a slightly less innocent sense. Actually, a not at all innocent sense. He meant it in more of a porno sense. Sorry, guess that's not sparing anyone. Of course, my comment made it around to everyone else at the table, and I turned different shades of scarlet as people around me burst into giggles and said:

"DOES YOUR CHRISTMAS BUSH HAVE LIGHTS?"

"HOW OFTEN DO YOU TRIM YOUR CHRISTMAS BUSH?"

"HOW DO YOU HANG ORNAMENTS ON YOUR CHRISTMAS BUSH?"

"WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO YOU KEEP UNDER YOUR CHRISTMAS BUSH?" 

I told them all to get their dirty minds out of the gutter, Greg told me to stop saying "Christmas Bush" and rename my tree. So I named it Greg. Greg the Christmas Bush. And after I came home, 5 shades of red and full of pie, I watched "Home Alone" and decorated my tree. 

Check it out! 

Now, I accidentally bought strobing Christmas lights. It's pretty, but slightly distracting. When I told Winston my tree was going to give me a seizure, he told me me not to exaggerate. Alas, he's far more reasonable than I at times. It takes a very patient man to handle the outlandish claims I made on a daily basis. 

And while my little Christmas corner is looking a little bare at the moment, but when Winston comes he's going to bring stockings, and I'll have some presents under there soon =0) 

So, now that Thanksgiving is over it's officially acceptable to blare Christmas music, watch Christmas movies, and begin Christmas shopping!

Happy Holidays everyone!

Japan's Rules of of the Road

So, after about a month of driving in Japan, I think it's time to discuss the particularities of driving in my slice of Asia, because besides the whole driving on the right side of the car and the left side of the road there's a few things that have caught this little American off her guard.....

My car looks like an egg..........

Japan's Rules of the Road. 

1. Even though you drive on the left side of the road, there is no such thing as a “free left.” This is a serious flaw in Japan's driving etiquette. 

2. A green light means “go,” a yellow light means “go,” and a red light means, “at least 4 more cars can go really fast, until people start honking.” 

3. Police cars ALWAYS have their sirens on. You don’t have to pull over unless they start yelling into their loud speaker. This is very distracting.

4. You always have to stop at train tracks. I haven’t actually stopped at train tracks since I rode the bus in 6th grade. The bus driver would stop at the tracks, and stay at a standstill until every student on the bus was silent, with their arms in the air and their hands making a peace sign. This acknowledged that we knew we were supposed to shut the hell up. When I come across train tracks I can’t help it, I turn my music down and make a peace sign until I’ve checked that the coast is clear. Conditioning is eerie….

5. There is zero tolerance for drinking and driving. No beer with dinner, no wine with dinner, no nothing. If you even blow .01 from drinking cough syrup you’re deported. 

So needless to say I miss the freedom of the American "free right," the ability to legally drink and drive, and of course the safety of American intersections (seriously, if somebody runs a red and whacks into my egg shaped car in an intersection, I have NO idea how to say "Officer, with all due respect that butt head ran a red! I think the Japanese are too polite to even have a word that translates into butt head.....) 

Ratty has become my highway sanctuary. For a tiny dented car shaped like an egg, the acoustics in there are amazing! I have an amazing do-hickey that hooks my I-pod up to my stereo, so my car has become a my own personal portable Karaoke box. However, I fear I look rather strange on the highway tapping my steering wheel with my thumbs and making these faces:

Now, remember that these were taken a few months ago in an actual Karaoke box. I assure you my eyes are open when I sing AND drive. Still, I don't think the Japanese out here in the countryside have ever seen (or heard) anything quite like what they get when I cruise by. They gave me a paper house, so I'm giving them the American driving experience. Not only is it a feast for the senses, it's a cultural exchange. I even have a top 15 list of favorite songs to sing in the car:

Erin's Toe-Tappin' Tunes-the super- happy- long -time Metric System Edition 

(when you can't think of how many miles an hour 60km is, just sing!)

1. Brooks and Dunn- Boot Scootin' Boogie

2. Badfinger- No Matter What

3. Charlie Daniels and the Charlie Daniel's band- The Devil went down to Georgia 

4. Journey-Don't Stop Believin'

5. Vampire Weekend- Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

6. M.I.A- Paper Planes

7. Toto-Rosanna 

8. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- American Girl

9. Johnny Cash- Boy Named Sue 

10.Leonard Cohen- So Long, Marianne 

11. Salt-n-Pepa-Shoop

12. Nancy Sinatra- These boots are made for walkin'

13. Against Me! -Don't lose touch

14. Bonnie Tyler- Total Eclipse of the heart

15. Chicago- If you leave me now

Eclectic, I know. 

In other news, last weekend marked a significant landmark in my adventures in driving. I had my first passengers! Greg decided to invite some friends from Oita City to Kunisaki for the night, and since I wasn’t in the mood for drinking I volunteered my services as a designated driver. So, we kicked the night off at a Korean restaurant near Greg’s house.


Once we arrived back at Greg’s apartment, we uncovered an old friend. When my mom sent me my Jedi Knight costume for Halloween, it came with an Obi Wan Kenobi mask. I was too embarrassed to wear it, and somehow it ended up at Greg’s apartment. Since I was sober and they were all drunk, it was fairly easy to talk them into taking turns wearing the mask. I like to think it was the power of The Force. 

As Hunter demonstrated, Obi Wan Kenobi LOVES NorthFace fleece jackets.

I tried to convince Betsy and Darin that this should be their engagement picture. 

Betsy's exact words were "Oh heavens! It's cold on the ice planet Hoth!"

Classic SNL tribute photo. 

Me: I SAID WHO'S THAT SPARTAN IN MY TEE-PEE?!

Danielle:It's ME! It's ME!

Scene 1: Obi Wan was stalking us around a corner. We were too involved in our conversation to notice. 

Scene 2: Realizing we aren't paying any attention whatsoever, Obi Wan gets a little bolder. 

Scene 3: HOLY SHIT OBI WAN COMES AT US WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND WE DON'T EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE WE ARE TWIRLING OUR HAIR. Judging by the blank expression upon that plastic face, I'm going to say this is a merciless crime, and the crime- committer will have no remorse. No doubt this will end up on CSI: Japan. 

When I wear the mask, I just look like Jeebus. Then Shahzana mauls me. 

Hunter just caresses my sharp nose. He knows that I am really a softy under than false plastic exterior. 

So, I left the mask with my friends and headed home early. The next morning we all headed into the mountains to see the leaves and visit a temple. Now, since everyone besides Greg and I were hung over, we didn’t stay long. However, I was able to get a few pictures in before my battery died. It was absolutely stunning.

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!

Me, the Kotatsu, and the Sci-Fi Channel.....

So, as fall rolls into winter, the temperature just keeps dropping. The leaves are finally starting to change, so when I look up at the mountains there are brilliant shades of red and yellow mixed in with the green staring back at me in all their vivid seasonal glory. While this is all beautiful, and I’m thrilled to death that the humidity is gone (seriously I am from the Northwest, I can’t handle humidity), it’s getting bloody cold! Now, this was never an issue in America. The biggest difference right now between my native first world country, and my current first world country of residence is CENTRAL HEATING. It is nowhere to be found. They just don’t have it. So, how do the Japanese keep warm? Well, let me introduce the Kotatsu. I wish I was making this up, but I am dead serious. I am sitting under this table as we speak, making this face....

This is my Kotatsu, it came with my paper house. 

So, here's how it works

**********************

Step 1: Remove the top

Step 2: put a blanket under the top, and place the top back on.

Step 3: plug in the Kotatsu.

Now, there are several different ways to stay warm under the Kotatsu.

Position 1: Just put your legs under it while you work, or eat, or watch mindless television on your computer. If you do it this way, you can probably share the warmth with a buddy. Since I don’t have a buddy right now, this isn’t really an issue.

Position 2:Lie under the Kotatsu atop your futon. This is a good way to warm your buns, but your feet are left exposed. Lame sauce. However, this is a good way to stay warm while reading a book, or again, while watching mindless television on your computer.

Position 3: This is my personal favorite. Curl up into a ball, and submerge your entire tiny little body under the heat of the Kotatsu and do nothing but watch mindless television on your computer.

So, here’s the main issue. Since the rest of my house is so cold, I literally come home, crawl under the table, and remain there all night. I don’t get up until my hunger pangs force me to go hunting in my kitchen for peanut butter and jelly fixings, or until I have to go to the bathroom. For the latter I wait until the last possible moment, because my toilet seat is colder than ice, which is not a pleasant surprise.

So, I think I will spend my first winter in Japan in hibernation under this awkward contraption curled into a ball watching various Sci-Fi channel mini-series. Since my doors are made of paper, correction, since my entire house is made of paper, I wouldn’t exactly consider it very insulated. This whole Kotatsu business makes me feel like one of those little baby chickies at the feed store back in Chehalis. In the winter they were always hiding in the corner of their pens under the blanket of warmth cast out by the heat lamp. Thanks Japan- for making me feel like a baby chicken. 

Speaking of Japan, Japan and I are in a fight right now. That’s right, I have given the entire country its own persona, and we’re not speaking right now. Why? Well, since there is no central heating at school, I come to work wearing at least 5 layers and a wool coat. I wear so much padding, I look like an NFL line-backer, with really tiny little girl legs. Well, after class yesterday one of my teachers actually said, “Ereein-sensei, have you got fat since you come to Japan?” I was completely speechless. Not only am I freezing, but now I am fat?! Thanks again Japan, for transforming my hands and feet into popsicle-worthy extremities, AND for this recent boost to my self -esteem. I wanted to make this face, but I didn't....

That's all for now, stay warm =0)

Fukuoka has a Coldstone!

I sat at work on Friday afternoon and drumming my fingers on my desk, trying to think of a feesable excuse to duck out early and avoid conversing in Engrish with my supervisor. Earlier this week I had the pleasure of spending a whole two days in her company at a seminar in Oita City. At this very seminar, she decided to go to a workshop on English Education in Elementary Schools. When I said, “Hirakawa-sensei, why are you going to a seminar on English Education in Elementary Schools? We teach at high school.” She replied, “Our students’ have Engrish level very low.” Considering that I stand in the back of the room during her classes while the kids whisper the correct answers to themselves while she badgers them with her boring lessons, I was really upset by this comment. Trust me, they aren’t English scholars, but they do not need to sing the ABC’s anymore. To top it all off, yesterday in class I asked the kids a question, and one of my girls (WHO HAS A STUDDER!) was actually brave enough to answer. Now, she is shy, so I made a really big deal about her wanting to answer the question, and stood really close to her desk so she wouldn’t have to shout. I was giving her the time she needed to get the answer out, but Hirkawa-sensei was standing there as well saying, “ANSWER QUESTION, JUST ANSWER QUESTION.IT'S OKAY TO JUST ANSWER QUESTION.” I shot her a look that said, “Back-off” and once she returned to the teacher’s podium the student relaxed, looked me right in the eye, and said “My favorite film is Totoro.” Rock on, kiddo.

So, these interactions have worn my patience for my boss down to a threadbare minimum. Last week my one of my best friends sent me candy corn, earrings, and a Pez dispenser in the mail. I have actually imagined using the Pez dispenser as a weapon. On days when I am particularly cranky, I imagine lifting up the little pumpkin’s head, and shooting out a Pez candies like projectile missiles.

Don't think I won't do it, this thing is spring-loaded.

In my head, I have really good aim, so my little colorful candies tend to hit her square in the eye. HA! I assure you I am not a violent person, but this woman is tempting my good-nature.

So, I told my Vice Principle I needed to leave early to catch a train, and he let me go. With that, I went home to pack, and actually hopped a train into Oita City. I spent the Friday night in Oita City with friends, and the next morning my friend Hunter and I hopped a train to Fukuoka.

Now, I like to compare Kyushu (my island) to the Midwest. The Midwest is full of all those barren square states, and despite the fact that the Midwest takes up quite a bit of room there in the middle of America, there really aren’t many cities. Well, Fukuoka is to Kyushu what Chicago is to the Midwest. Greg and his girlfriend Yuka met up with us about an hour after we arrived at Kyushu, and we all rushed to the first fast food restaurant we found- Wendy’s. Now, I never ate Wendy’s in America, but I sure ate it on Saturday, proudly I might add. Less than three hours later we stumbled upon a Coldstone Creamery, and I ate my weight in ice cream laden with Mangos. While the girls working there sang “Ice-cream makes you happy, fa-ra-ra-ra-ra…” Bless Fukouka, international metropolis and haven for American food. We walked and shopped all day, around 7 we met Danielle at the train station, and we all hopped a bus to none other than THE HARD ROCK CAFÉ!

Now, not only did the Hard Rock Café have PITCHERS OF AMERICAN BEER, BUT THEY HAD REAL AMERICAN FOOD! Actual large portions complete with all the grease and cheddar cheese. I myself ate an entire plate of nachos with heaps of jalapeños, real cheddar cheese, AND copious amounts of guacamole and salsa. I didn’t think things could get any better, but they did.

Greg, with a giant pitcher of beer =0)

Yuka, me, and Danielle 

me and Danielle 

So about 6 months ago one of my best friends was the leading fella in the new Puddle of Mudd music video for the song “We don’t have to look back now.” Well, THEY PLAYED THE VIDEO!

Here it is, if you’re curious…

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=D5JKF3xlGCM

So as I lifted my beer to wash down some nacho goodness I glanced up and saw a very familiar face. I was so excited I jumped up and shouted ,”HEY! I KNOW THAT GUY! HEY!HEY!HEY GUYS! I KNOW THAT GUY!” My poor friends…. So, after a very delicious American meal the five of us hopped in a taxi and came back to our hotel to have a few drinks before going out for the night.

We usually listen to Hunter’s I-pod when we pre-funk, but we couldn’t get it to work. So, we watched Mission Impossible I on TV (dubbed in Japanese) and drank every time something “impossible” happened, or every time we heard the name “Eeefan” (Engrish for Ethan).

Greg bought a really giant beer, and I was a little concerned.....

Danielle with a fruity drink thing, me with a bottle of Guinness, and Yuka with Greg's beer(which was about the size of her) 

Best Friend Hunter accused me of getting HIM pregnant.... hmmmm

Greg and Yuka 

Best friend Hunter and I attempted once again to take a proper picture

Danielle, the only veteran JET among us has been to Fukuoka several times, so she recommended we go to a bar called “Happy Cock.” Like most bars in Japan, it is tucked away in a tall building a few stories up in some random room. However, it was a really great bar and for a 2000 yen cover (about 20 bucks) it was all you could drink. I was here that we met up with our other foreign friends, and of course debauchery ensued.

 Best friend Hunter and I found Cheryl at "Happy Cock." This is what foreigners look like when it's all you can drink. 

Cheryl, Danielle, me

Danielle, me, and Cheryl waiting at the bar

"HI! ERIN! IT'S ME GREG! I'M GREG! YOU'RE MY FRIEND!"

Greg was thrown off the stage for being a boy, and Shahzana and were thrown on for being cute girls. 

Shahzana and I know how to "bust a move," or whatever it is that the kids call it these days...

Danielle joined the party 

I don't know....

I look like I'm singing karaoke

Yuka came to dance =0)

me, Shahzana, Yuka, and Danielle

Cheryl and Danielle

Danielle looks quite seductive, Yuka looks adorable, I accidently cut off Greg's head, and I just look confused.

Yuka is adorable

there is a lot of cleavage in this picture...

The next afternoon, we all rolled off our futons and headed to Sumo. Here we met up with even more foreigners. It’s really funny to watch how Japanese people react to large groups of Gaigen (that is Japanese for foreigner.) They sort of back away and shield their children. Hmmm…..

This is Betsy

Greg, me, Hunter, and Betsy 

Darin, Betsy, Greg, and me. Darin and Betsy are getting married in August! How cool is that?!

Now, Sumo is hands down one of the coolest things I have ever seen in real life. Now that I’ve actually watched several bouts, I realize there is a lot more to the sport than fat Japanese dudes crashing into each other. It’s actually a lot about balance, flexibility, and agility. For the most part, these are not characteristics I would bestow amongst men of this size. However, they surprised me.

This was my favorite picture of the day. Despite my attempts to take Sumo seriously, there is still nothing funnier than a fist full of Japanese man-boob. 

this was the tiniest Sumo wrestler I've ever seen.

the stare down

the bout begins, and Mr. Black is going right for Mr. Purple's throat. 

It looks as though Mr. Purple is giving Mr. Black a wedgie. 

This was the major division. These are the fellas who are married to models and actresses. 

These guys were huge!

I'm not sure what this guy was wearing....

I don't know what type of interpretive dance he was doing, but he looked very elegant doing it.

right before a "bout."

So, after Sumo Hunter, Greg, Betsy, Darin, and I headed back to the train station to go home. Danielle didn’t want to go to Sumo, so she shopped all day and met us at the station when the tournament was over. Bless her heart, she came with Subway sandwiches for all of us! Mine was laden with avocado and guacamole of course, and I was a happy panda. The train ride home was relaxing.

These shirts were on sale at the Hard Rock Cafe, so we both got one =0)

Greg looks adorable with a ribbon in his hair

Darin doesn't look as adorable with the ribbon in his hair.....but Betsy is still cute.

Now that I’ve been in Japan for about 3 months I am starting to feel more settled here. I have actually made friends that I would legitimately hang out with in America, which has made life a lot easier. As I mentioned before, two of my new friends, Besty and Darin, are engaged. Danielle is a bridesmaid. This weekend they invited Hunter, Greg, and I to their wedding in August. This was a big deal for me, considering that I’ve never been to a wedding that wasn’t for a relative. The really comforting thing about this little group of friends is the constant stream of inside jokes. I actually feel like I have a place here now. And while I still miss home, it’s not as bad as it was 3 months ago.

So, that said, I’m going to call it a night. 

Cheers!